Self-Care: A Temporary or Permanent Fix?

Online Reflection #3

I’m one of those people that always has something going on. I’m not only a married mother of three, but I am also a college student, student teacher, and a student assistant for my university. I am a lot of other things too, but I’m going to go with these as the key items that take up my time. It was brought to my attention in class a few weeks back that I don’t engage in self-care. I say, “brought to my attention”, because as I was traveling through my day-to-day life I hadn’t realized that I was taking care of everyone else and skipping over myself.

Having realized this, I decided it was important to evaluate why I do this. And the plain and simple answer is - guilt. The complex answer is – without trying to write a book to explain this –  that I have a need to be great at or try my hardest in every way possible at everything I do, and if I don’t work hard at all my responsibilities than I feel that I let down others involved. This, of course, creates guilt on so many levels. I feel guilty during idle time, so I work through that time instead. I feel guilty when I don’t reach my expectations - and let me tell you my expectations of myself are extremely high. I will say, I typically looked at this as a positive though, because, well, we’ve all heard the “shoot for the moon and you’ll land among the stars” saying.

As a child, my dad always told me, “if you try your best, your best is good enough”. Perhaps that’s why I feel the need to give my best at everything and take on the world. I also have a hard time saying no to opportunities that come my way because I’m an adult student who wants to explore and experience so many different things. I got a late start and maybe I want to get it all in now? I don’t know. But the fact is this backfires at times because then I’ve got so many things going on it’s hard to find a balance and I end up over-worked.

I find this to be the case for many teachers. We accept a ton of additional responsibilities as we love to and want to help, but we sacrifice our own sanity or peace in the process. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying we shouldn’t put ourselves out there. I love that as teachers we want to help and do all we can, but I think knowing when to say “when” is important. This is a fact, that was brought to my attention the other day by a valued mentor and I’m thankful for this advice. I think all teachers should hear it, remember it always, and adhere to it.

In search of answers, I found a blog titled, “Why It’s Hard for Teachers to Take Care of Themselves” by Jennifer Gonzalez. I look to her often for ideas, thoughts, and answers. If you don’t subscribe to her blog, I highly recommend it. Anyway, in this post, she speaks with Angela Watson who is practically an expert on how teachers spend their time. She outlines a few, of the many, reasons teachers exhaust themselves, and ways to combat this. What I found most interesting and perhaps the biggest reason I felt compelled to reflect on this more, was that we cannot simply rely on quick fixes to get us through. We need to treat self-care as a lifestyle change. Getting a massage every six months is not committing to the self-care we are not only entitled to but need. It’s nice but is only a temporary fix for the moment. One of the few options Watson suggests to make self-care a permanent fixture in our life, and possibly one of my favorites is to essentially condition yourself through the pairing of one action that is already a habit with a new one. So, for example, as soon as dinner is finished, you soak in a warm bath. As a mother of three, the option of soaking in the tub after dinner is not a viable option for now, but I will continue to reflect and decide on a pairing that works for me.

This weekend I did start a mental health journal (inspired by a picture I saw scrolling through Facebook one day) and a doodle page that is similar to a bullet journal. This is not only therapeutic for me because I am one who loves color coordinating calendars, organizing, and journaling, but I’m also using this to conduct a little research on my own about myself. What are common themes about the days I am stressed, feeling meh, or sad? With this information, I will be able to contribute more to my self-care by weeding out the things that do not contribute positively to my mental health, happiness, or productivity. I’m excited to see how this works out and encourage others to try it or something similar if you find yourself in a similar situation as myself.

Doodle "Things of November" Page

Mental Health Journal

I can report that so far, I’m loving the times I get to doodle on the “things of November” side. Even if just for five minutes, it’s satisfying and... all. for. me. I’ll have to report back in a couple of months how this journal turns out. 


Update: 

My oldest daughter was inspired by my journal and created her own. I'm sharing it here in case hers can inspire others as well.